*its;her life.

(:

god's child
she's bless
Hear ma prayer, Lord,
listen to ma cry fer mercy.
In da day of ma troubles i will call to you,
fer you will answer me.
no deeds can compare wid yours.
Heavenly father, i thank you fer all dat you've done.
we're all livin in a sea of superficial relationships.

ARCHIVES;
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004; 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005; 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005; 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005; 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006; 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006; 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006; 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006; 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006; 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007; 06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009; 04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011;

myrantings;
Monday, May 29, 2006

MONSTER BREED.

this is a substitute entry.
haaahaz, anywaess, i bought a new phone!~N70! thanks ron fer yr accompany, u made my day :) you must have been wondering what's with the explicity of the smirking angel and the fallen maiden i've told u. in fact, you must be wondering what the fuck is going on in my head.hahahz.

the need to relieve conformity. the need to feel different. these are the more probable reasons that fuel my attraction for life and death. the sense of vulnerability in this world; the lack of convictions in my belief that once tied me to the reins of reality.

the feel of being afloat, the uncomfortable thought of not resting my feet on the ground. i feel weird flying; i'm not used to it.
i should get busy; really busy or i'm not gonna be okay for the rest of my life!.
we all live busy life.

Scribbled on!
Scribbled at 10:46 AM

Friday, May 26, 2006

face yourself, learn to accept the way that i am.
brooding over this sentence for the past few days hours, i did understand myself a little bit better.

now what i know is the superficial level problem, what i need is to go deeper inside, the answers are inside me. somebody else told me, life is not always a bed of roses.

i'm seeking mine happiness in another person, when will i start caring about the person's happiness?
love is never about me, it was you.
thinking why life's always against me.
it's just not the right time.
instead of sulking over things i can't change, i should start appreciating and enjoying the life that i'm having; that's going in my way.

the one thing about myself that i'd always feared to face;cant accept reality which i'm afraid too, to accept not having life going my way, sometimes it scares me just how accurate your word can be, sometimes disbelief.
it's a way to be ignorant,a method to disregard
you always look in the mirror, in the angle that you look best.
it's just scary, how history repeats.
like you know your heart's racing, but you pretend you don't feel it.
you trash your hearing with songs, but it doesn't seem to rhyme with your feelings.
i'm lying to myself, the same way you did.
because i'm scared to know the truth,so i pretended i don't know it.

"For he know the plans he have for me, plans to prosper me and not harm me, plans to give me hope and a future."

Scribbled on!
Scribbled at 2:55 AM

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

sometimes it's like living a dream which you ought to just direct it a little. take little control of things and move it in your way. life's gonna be great if you just stop pushing yourself so hard. i don't need distractions to keep myself from thinking. i simply stop thinking about it. when on earth do i ever need to be in a relationship to heal my broken heart. i broke this myself, and i shall heal it by myself. do i need someone to fill up my empty days? my days are empty because i want them to be. i want to just laze around doing nothing. it's not because of anyone that i can be happy. i smile and laugh because i feel like it. letting go? there's nothing to let go off because i pick things up and keep them if i want to. i'll put it down when i feel like it. i'm in control and probably you are. sulking, self-pity, distractions. who needs those when you can simply stop it.

yea just stop it. fuck it man, just fuck it all. i'm not fucking okay. i am not fucking alright. fuck it man. just fuck it.

Scribbled on!
Scribbled at 11:25 PM

Monday, May 22, 2006

Reminded myself that it wasn't meant to be,Try to grow from this experience without being bitter,Or allow silly insecurities to cloud my judgement,That robs me of the pleasure of having you in my life,And the dignity to let go and wish you well,I'll try to go foward without looking back,Or questioning.

Maybe u're right afterall. Its time to move on.

For many nights, I find myself wrestling with my feelings.
The truth is, he still holds a special place in my heart. Even up till today.Now that I recall, I cannot find an appropriate word to describe those 35 months spent..i remember u once said "when you try, give it your best" mine repy was truthfuly from my heart "I tried my best.honestly." Now,i dun even bother to to try, cos i'm afraid of reality.
Sometimes, I get quite amazed when I see friends go in and out of relationships so easily.While I struggle so hard to get over.

Lord Jesus Christ hear my cries. He sees through me like glass. He knows my heart's desires. He sees a plan in me. He will accompany me through the darkest valley. He Loves me entirely. When I saw the old people suffer, I ask God "Why don't you take these lovely elderly people back to your Kingdom where you call paradise?"I learn that it is all in God's timing. Even our life, we are not entirely in control of it. We do not even know when we are going to die. In the same way, relationship problems, I am not in control of it myself too.

I will not be Shakened by men. Not even my own blood related Father.He may cripple me but I will stand firm with the Lord. when the time is right, i will baptized.
Mark 2:7 clearly states that only God alone can forgive sin. Not through the church or the priests.
John 14:6 I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Lets put our trust in God's word through the Bible and not men's traditions. God wants us to have a relationship with Him. =)

ilove'my prettys' still

Scribbled on!
Scribbled at 11:32 PM

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

i am not stranded. but anyhow, i was painfully reminded that i was, yesterday. like a fist clenching my heart when i saw what i saw. when i had to pretend that nothing ever happened. and i had to pretend that it hadn't affected me in any ways, at any times.

no more affection for you, but what is left is the miserable memories of how weak i was. the weakness that love leaves you to be in front of whoever it may be. and for that, i regret.

like dust that i scattered in the winds
like the paper plane that i thrown into the sea.
let us forgive and forget.
you would still have that special place in my heart.*ilu

During courtship, guarding each other's purity is the act of lovemaking.
If one robs you of your sexual purity just for his pleasure, that is selfishness, not Love. Sex does not generate more love in this way.
If you are pure today, I urge you to keep your purity as best as you can for your eventual partner. It is so important. Be responsible.

If you have had a past, all is not lost. The best you can do is to turn over a new leaf and work towards being responsible for your eventual partner. Think of it as your partner can see you at any time and at any place like God. Would she be happy to see you flirting and kissing with another girl? or would she be thinking "Yes! I am the next he is going to kiss after her! he is such a good kisser!" Of course not! Work towards the purity of the heart.

God celebrates Pure sex, with our eventual partners. God made sex so special, it is worth waiting for the day of marriage. Infact, when a husband and a wife revel in and thank God for the gift of sex, they glorify Him.

Scribbled on!
Scribbled at 11:07 PM

Monday, May 08, 2006

shit for you

like of a sudden u feel like its e end of e world n u're nth but a fuckin huge pile of shit compared to others..i dont know why.i feel like im all by myself.everything's on e surface...everything...if only theres someone who truly knows how i feel and would be there to share my sadness..why is it that i have to put on a fake smile on my face all e time.why cant i just have someone by my side just to cry with me,share my sorrows.why do i always have to show that im happy when im not.is it wrong to be upset?i cant fuckin control my feelings.i cant fuckin do it anymore...please.................

..............fuck this world.fuck all e shit tt happened.fuck the fucked up me.fuck everything.
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!IM JUST A GOOD FOR NTH GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scribbled on!
Scribbled at 7:52 PM